If you could read my mind

Weird story I talk to my Ex. Not going to say who though. I just want to talk about some feelings that I'm having. I want to mention how much in love I was way back in the day. When we were together things were really good. So good that he asked me to marry him. We were going to get married November 17 2006. I was truly happy. I could see myself with him. Every time I prayed to see if he was the right man for me in my life. I did get the "OK". I was in denial because of everything that was going on ESPECIALLY with my family. They didn't want me to marry him. For one reason or another. There was so much stress and contention that My man and I started to fight, majority of it was over my family and how they didn't support the marriage. His mom was controling a lot of the wedding plans. I started to get depressed. Wanted to push the date to Spring so that my father could make it to the temple. Lets just say that my man wasn't happy to hear that I talked with my father and decided that it would be better to push the date. I felt like it would have been better on both families with money and especially on me. Because I felt like I was in over my head.

To make a long story short It pushed "US" apart. I remember there was a lot said to the point where I walked away from the situation. Over these years I have made him into this monster in my head. I don't even remember what we were arguing about and what really happend. When I ran into him. I remembered why I fell for him in the first place. The only thing that is different now is that it hit us both really hard. He hasn't really been with anyone since. I've been dating so much and feel like I'm not the same person that I used to be.

We started talking about all the good times. I don't think there is any love there anymore. There is just a friendship. A bond that is oldly still there. I run into his father now and then. < He is such a great man. I always wonder where my life would be if I followed what Heavenly Father was telling me. I always wonder. My parents always say "you would be divorced and with a child by now". It makes me really sad that things like this is said. I don't feel like he knew them, and they don't know him. I just know it ended badly.

He appoloized for doing certain things to me during that time. Which needed to be said. Yet I know that I didn't help the situation. It is just time that it was clear in the air. I know that he is still in depression and still isn't over the whole break up. I feel bad. I just wish that there wasn't so much contention in this world. It makes things harder.

Life is not easy. It is hard and there are challenges in this life that isn't fare. I wish that when you do find the one that you could be with for the rest of your life. Jump! Especially when God tells you to. I do know that I'm frustrated with it. I've been lost, confusded, frustrated, and a lone. I hate dating. I don't like taking so much of my time to get to know someone, then getting my heart broken. Or knowing that they are not the one so I leave. This game of love isn't fun at all. I want to say that I'm not on the market. I have to pick up my life. Find myself again. I'm getting there (which is wonderful). I feel like everytime I find myself I get myself in a relationship. Lose love! Then lose myself again. I'm tired emotionally. You're heart can only take so much till the point where you get lost in this game called love. Know I'm well and happy where I am in my life right now. I just know that things will get better and the love of my life will come sometime in the near future. Keep your head up, Keep smiling, and never give up. God always has a plan. Even if it means going on a different path to get to him. Love you all!