Crushed and Healing Heart

Brant put a Hole in my heart. He was acting funny all
week. I brought it up to him. And he was
saying that he loved me then another second
he didn't. Then He needed a break but didn't want one.

Little boys are freaking gay. I'm so tired of getting hurt
all of the time. When I finally think things are going fine.

The best part of it all. Was we where only together for like a
month. You can't concider that as a RELATIONSHIP>
More like a trial with a friend to see if you want
to get into a relationship.

I don't think that it is cool, especially to play with someones
heart and lead them on. When the other person knew that
it was going no where. I'm happy that I know now
and I am able to get over it faster.
I think ever time i get into these situations. I know how
to handle them and get over them faster.

I told Brant that I'm not going to be put on a leash and
have him pull me in when ever he wanted or "needed" me.
I don't work like that. What my mom mentioned.
I'm the kind of girl that wants it all or nothing at all.

I guess that is just how I see things. I'm not my sister.
I'm not going to chase a guy that doesn't want me for
years and years and years. Until he changes his mind.
I think sometimes things don't happen for a reason.
Or maybe they will just make us stronger in the end.

I really don't know what is to come. But I do know that I'm
not going to get depressed. I'm not going to keep pulling myself
down. Yet I am going to keep moving forward with my life.
I'm going to keep doing all the right things that I need to do
to get me where I need to go. I know what I want and
I'm going to have to work for those things.

Thanks to all my friends for helping me out in this weird
Break up!!!! You're all the best friends
a friend could ever ask for.

Y.S.A. Activity

Y.S.A. Christmas Party
I was running late in and felt very tired.
I wasn't in the mood to be playing games.
Unlike Battle ship with the Singles.
I thought it was a very silly game.
It was also very weird to see Cody there.
Someone that I dated and then he forgot
all about me, and got lost in his work.
Then I wasn't very happy because His
Family had been treating me very different. I
Really don't know what to think about it all.
Yet at the same time. I just wanted to go home
and sleep this off.

I notice I get very on one, when I am very tired.
I am not fun to be around. People start to think that I
don't like them when I'm around them. Which isn't the case.

After the silly game. Brant was a little upset that
his team didn't win. lol! oh well it's the game,
someone has to win.

After the game, we had put all the presents in the
middle. It was really good to sit by Brant. Yet
Brant was sitting next to Cody. Blah! I didn't
want to be there. It was really funny,
because I kept tickling Brant, and
everyone kept taking Brant's present.
Just because it was fun to see his expressions.

I ended up getting lamp decorations. lol! It was
very silly if you ask me. It is just funny to see
what people get. Brant got a book about
"finding the right guy" something along those
lines. I thought it was very funny.

Later we ended up making cookies. I made
A sugar cookie of Brant. Oh I have a picture
of it. It's not very good, yet it is alright.
It's at the top of the page. I had a fun time
making it. Brant had to run off to help
his mom with the Christmas dinner
party, her ward was going to be having.
He ran off and Was done by the time I
was done making my little Ginger Bread man.

I was happy to see Brant again. When we went
inside my house. We ran into My aunt Julia,
and my grandma and Grandpa. It was
very good to see them again. :) I love
my grandparents.

Relief Society Dinner

What a wonderful Dinner these Beautiful
Daughters of God put up. I was very
impressed as we went to Rachel's house
To see all the work that they
had put into. To making this night
with all the girls special.

They had given a talk about Visiting
teaching and how we all need to put
our foot in the door and help out
the sisters that we need to. They
asked how we felt when they came to
see us, then brought up the fact of
how do you think your sisters feel
when they are being visited.

I haven't had a problem visiting my
sisters. Yet I didn't know that the rest
of the ward wasn't seeing there sisters.
I actually was very disappointed.
They mentioned how only 20% of
the girls had been doing there work.
I was very shocked. I didn't think that there
was such a small number.

We ended up eating spaghetti and it didn't help
my tummy at all. I wish that there was some way
where I would get sick eating something harder
on my stomach.

Shana and I left early. It was really nice talking
and visiting with her. She is a special spirit indeed.
I love the fact that she is very down to earth,
and that I have had the opportunity to get to know
her more. I hope to keep that up with her.

McKenzies Lace Concert

My sister had a Lace Concert (choir).
It was so much fun.
McKenzie did so good I was very
impressed with all the work that they
had put into it. I have to mention that
Little Faith was just having the time of her
Life listening to all the fun music going on.

It was fun to have Brant there as we enjoyed
Listening and enjoying all the nieces that where over.
Dad ended up getting kissed by Sara Dohl. It was really
fun to see all the kids grown up. I think I remember being
under the age of eight. Now she is like 18,
wow time sure does fly by.

Layton Lights

Brant and I went to go look at the Layton Lights. Oh How

pretty. He has wanted to go and see them ever since they

put them up. I told him there was no way I was going to go look

at them until it had snowed. Well It did and it was very cold.

Brant hasn't been to the lights since he's been home from his

Mission. It was fun to share that time with him.

It was way fun because when we where in the middle of the

park looking at the lights. The music came on. It was

"Santa Clause is coming to town". It was so much fun

because Brant decided to dance with me. It was so adorable.

I was singing to the music and he was focusing on dancing.

It was a perfect night.

Then as boys do... He wanted to go play in the parking lot

with his truck and wanted to do Wheelies. I really don't

understand. I wasn't scared at all. I was just like hum...

When Brant told mom that he did Wheelies. Mom was like

"Boys and there toys".
Besides all of that. We tried to relax to a movie called

"Illusionist". I feel asleep.

Birthday Dinner

Ok so I spent 6 hours in the kitchen making a wonderful

Dinner where I thought mom, Dan, and Mckenzie where going

to be there. Then it just ended up being just the two of us.

It wasn't a bad thing at all. It was just extremely funny that it ended

up like that. Mckenzie said it would be romantic just being Brant and I.

I had made Cornish Hens, Stuffing, Polinta, Asparagus, baguette bread, and

A Romain Salas that I had put together. It was so good. Yet when I went to

go and answer the door. There was Brant I greated him with a BIG hug

and He handed me this beautiful Daizy. It was adorable. I am one

of the most pickiest girl when it comes to flowers and he nailed it.

I loved it. We had a wonderful date.

Ginger Bread house

So instead of making a cake for Brant for his birthday. I

decided that him and i would make a Ginger bread house

and make a house together. It was so much fun. We had to

work together to make this cute Ginger bread house.

Yet he will tell you the same thing he told me. That we have

the Best looking house on the block. ;0)

Brants Birthday

Brant had invited me to go with his family to Boston's

for His twin and His birthday dinner. It so fun to just

hang out with his side for a change. I was happy that I

got the chance to be there. He ran into some of his friends

there. Like Brady, Jared, and Others. It was fun!

I ended up talking to one of the servers and told him that it

was Brant and his sister Shanas birthday. I was happy when they

came with two ice creams and our server wasn't very good

at his job until he found out he was serving two Birthdays.

Then he slapt that smile on. It was to bad that he didn't do that

earlier. Oh Well We all had fun.

We then went to Brants and I had them open there gifts from

me. Brants was a Tie that he mentioned that he liked and

Shana I gave her a Journal with chocolates. It was a good

day.

Dinner with the Parents.

Brants parents decided to have me over for Stake.

AHH! I can't eat a lot of red meats. I don't think

my stomach can handle it. To tell you the truth.

Oh and they wanted to make French bread. Something

I really love, yet I shouldn't have a lot of.

I asked if I could bring some Green Beans over.

I told them it was from moms garden. They said

it was alright if we did that. Brant wanted to

go over to Walmart and buy some Stove Top.

He got it and we didn't use it. lol He is such a nut

sometimes. I had a good time visiting with his mom

and dad a little more. It was fun! Shana left with

a friend so she wasn't able to come and enjoy the

good food with us.

I was surprised to find out that Brant loves to have

Ketchup with his meat. lol I told him he had to try

Leeann Paris. Which is a stake sauce that mom and

I like. He was kind of fond with it as well. I was very

happy to hear that. It's always good to try something new.

Migraine and blessings

So last night was a very long work day. I worked

the 10 hour shift and then came home and got ready

for Brant to come over. I forgot to take something

for my headache that started at work.

By the time Brant came, it was growing into a really

bad Migraine. I took something for it. Yet I didn't

know why it wasn't helping. Until the end of the day

Before Brant left the house, he asked me if I wanted a

Blessing. I replied with a yes.

I don't think that many people know how grateful I am

that the Priesthood is here on this earth. I go from a

severe Migraine to being healed. It was a wonderful

feeling. I just don't know why we didn't think about it in

the first place. I don't know why but Brant makes me

feel super happy. He is super amazing. I don't know

how else to express how important the Gospel in my life,

and Brant just made it very clear how important it is to

have in all of our lives. I have been walking straighter then

I have in a long time. I Love my Brant.

FHE service Activity

FHE

What a fun Service activity that happend last night.
We ended up making Sugar Cookies and then gave them

to all the the ward members that we felt needed them the

most. We went around and sang christmas carols to

the ones that we took the cookies to. I did my own

personal solo, where the everyone laughed at me, just

because I was being such a goof.

Brant decided that it would be fun to carry me across

the snow, so my feet wouldn't get cold. Yet they still did.

I should have worn my socks. lol Oh well!

I wanted to take the last Sugar cookies to JJ. Just because

he couldn't make it. So Brook, Kip, and Nichol came with Brant

and I. We same JJ a song and his family enjoyed listening to us.

It was sure fun to do.

We ran back to the car because it was fun. My feet where frozen by

the end of the night. Brant thought my feet would warm up

if he sat one them. lol Not so much. We rented a video

Called "Emma Smith" It was good!

Three small words Brant Said to me

I love you!

Work Christmas Dinner

We went to Brant's Christmas work party/Dinner
The food was very good and the people there
where very friendly. I can't believe how close they
all where. I believe that Brant has worked
for his job over 8 1/2 years.

We ended up coming back to my house and
watched the Emma Smith Movie.
It was very good. I really enjoyed it.
You can never go wrong with a great
LDS movie.

First Kiss :0*

First Kiss!

Alright everyone. I have been so against kissing

it isn't even funny. I have kissed a few guys in the

past thinking that things where going to work out

and they never do. So I haven't wanted to kiss anyone.

Because I don't want to get my heart broken again.

It is one thing to Kiss and not have it mean anything

then when you do kiss someone you really really like

and have great feelings for. It is something totally different.

Well from the beginning I wouldn't kiss Brant. lol! He tried to kiss

me once and I turned my cheek. I felt really bad,

and I'm sure he was very embarrassed. No I know he

felt just silly even trying. We stuck to just kisses on the cheek

Or he would kiss me on the forehead.

I am always nervous when I kiss a guy. I really don't know why.

but I have so much that goes on in my head that it really

has never meant anything to me before.

Brant respected me and my wishes to not kiss. He told me

"if you're not ready I'm not ready." Awh!!

I like this guy :0)

Yet! I must say that when Brant kissed me when we

both didn't expect it. I jumped and was totally surprised.

Not because he kissed me. But that I didn't expect it

and didn't feel all nervous. It just happened.

I do have to tell you that it felt natural. I was

happy and felt the spirit. It wasn't planned and wasn't

awkward for the both of us.

It was a true loves First KISS!!!